I began by searching in my home,
A child who wanted hope.
Faint drops tasted sweet
But lasted only seconds, fleet
Excitement passing a thirsty heart.
Turning to the side, perhaps my peers;
Another chance to clear
Sour echoes aside,
And briefly a warmth grew inside,
Only to find shallowness behind.
Sprouting despair erupted to fear,
Cruel cuts into my flesh
Rending gaping hurts
I had no medicine to heal;
No trusted help, only pain’s cold steel.
Decision made, locking gates so well
Against what led to the wound,
Never, never, so
Again at any cost to feel such
Searing razor blades into my soul.
Easy pleasure schemed, sowed quietly
While smirking banefully,
Hiss disregarded
From longing, emptiness’ demand
Overpowering weak discretion.
Another lie, too numb to notice,
And desire, pain’s lotus,
Finally conceived
Its child, a path of loss culminated,
Yielding a fulfillment of conscience.
Darkness! darkness! no path of escape
From deception’s hot snare,
Tears of pleading met
With wretched laughter and mocking
Lashes, of all my strength stripping me.
Yet my end it was not, for love, far
From a defeated fool,
Saw and prepared grace
As the intended fruit, a gift
Intricate and unique, without guile.
Former things of bitter affection
Cringed in revelation’s
Light, and an unknown
Voice, yet somehow forever known,
Asked to come in and make here His home.
So still, so small, yet sensing a heart
Behind which felt like home–
My true home, not shadow
And wind; and long-retreated hope
Dared breathe one last “Yes” to Heaven’s Door.
About Jeffrey R. Snell




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