By Lisa Kurasz
I have days I am absolutely unshakably positive of who I am in the Lord. I have no question of His hand upon me or the fact that I am walking where he wants me to be. Times where I am absolutely sure of my Lord’s love for me. And then there are times when I struggle with fear. To the point where I am overwhelmed by it. Like when my children were born. I was so in love with them, but yet so afraid that God would take them away from me. It was like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. That God was somehow going to punish me for all my mistakes by taking away this special little person.
How many nights I would put my hand on my baby’s chest to make sure they were still breathing. Or put my finger under their nose to feel their breath. My husband hasn’t rated much better with these bouts of fear. How many times I have woken him up with out him realizing the cause. When I would lay in bed at night hearing him breath in and out, and then not hearing him take another breath quickly enough, shake his arm.
Or the fear that would hit me because someone dear to me would have something bad happen to them or their family. And I would be afraid that my family would be struck next. I knew that this person was certainly a better person than I was, so if something bad happened to them I knew that I certainly had it coming. God was waiting to stomp me out.
But as I have learned more of God’s mercy and grace over the years, I have come to see that His love is deeper than that. That he is not the author of fear, but of love. That fear comes from the very one who wishes to destroy us. But he has no right to those that are the children of the Lord.
Even though I am no longer sneaking around checking on my loved ones breathing, I still find myself waking up from time to time with my heart racing and being overwhelmed with fear. And in those times a still quiet voice reminds me that God is my refuge. That his hand is upon me. And I roll back over, snuggling next to my husband, returning to a peaceful sleep.
Romans 8:15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. – King James version
About the author: After many years of my family telling me that I needed to write, I was faced with an undeniable conviction by the Lord that yes I was to write. He put everything in line for me to do it. So I have been writing for almost a year and in that time God has used the laughter and the tears of my family to tell others about God’s love. As a stay at home mom, with a large family there are plenty of poignant moments to learn from. I am kept busy with home schooling, and the day to day activities of a family of 8. I am active in the children’s and women’s ministry of my church, with a heart for the hurting, broken and lost orphans of God.
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