A Renowned Retreat Chef Tells How Breaking Bread Can Also Break the Ice
KERRVILLE, TX — As chef at the famed retreat center Laity Lodge in Leakey, Texas, outside San Antonio, Tim Blanks specializes in turning strangers into family. So think what he can do as the holidays reunite far-flung families. In time for Christmas, Chanukah … and to kick off the New Year, Chef Tim serves up his insider group-dinner tips.
Successful dining is not about dishes or expense, he says. Then the meal maestro reveals how to help turn even random dinner guests into new circles of friends:
1. Set your table with love. This is no cheap sentiment. A loving table isn’t set to impress but to facilitate. Think about who’s coming and how you want your diners to feel. Matching plates matter less than a means to relax and converse.
2. Use a tablecloth. It’s subtle but true: placemats divide and tablecloths unite. Interesting, isn’t it? As for the tablecloth, you can keep that interesting, too. “This weekend at home, we had friends over and I used a big piece of Guatemalan fabric,” Tim said.
3. Never mind fancy. You may set fancy but you don’t have to; just know informal from sloppy. “Humans are broken, chips and scrapes inside and out,” says Tim, quick to put himself at the top of that list. “So if your wonderful bowl has a chip, don’t run to replace it. Let it speak.” And the message: real people welcome here.
4. Never fear simple food. In a frenetic world, food that is simple and good is especially warming. “A large loaf of crusty bread broken amongst friends has power like no other food,” Tim says. “I’d almost generalize that simple food fuels better conversations.”
5. Slow down. Allow ample time to prepare and serve your meal. Enjoy and share each stage-after all, preparation is part of the meal. Guests who help make their dinner meet at the table having already shared an experience.
6. No phones. Repeat: no phones. “My wife and I recently drove two hours to have dinner with old friends but throughout the evening they stayed on their cellphones. On the drive home, I said to my wife, ‘Why did we bother?’”
7. Be open to new conversation. Think “both/and” not “either/or” and liberate your guests to exchange opinions and ideas. As a recovering alcoholic, Tim knows the power of honesty and acceptance. “‘Take the cotton wool out of your ears, close your mouth, and you just may learn something new,’” Tim says, quoting “a wise AA friend from Jackson, Mississippi.”
8. Be open to new people. Even for family dinners, invite someone new. Holidays can create lonely hours for folks. Bring fresh faces to the table — that’s right: seated right next to relatives you haven’t seen since last year. You just never know!
9. Honor traditions and add to them. Familiarity breeds comfort, and Tim has an easy example: “Our dining room has a large blackboard with colored chalk. We often write the menu, or a clever quote, or the weather report in a faraway place. And just a glance at the board brings people together.”
10. Practice safe honesty. “Safety is not a place, it’s a person,” Tim often says, and a good table assembles a safety zone. When diners can speak openly and from the heart, you’ve achieved hospitality. And even the most mismatched guest list — mixing kids, office, even the far branches of the family tree — leaves nourished.
Chef Tim built his reputation on the notion that food today too often stuffs the body and starves the soul. In fact, he has a theology of food: “From the apple to the Feast of the Lamb, food helps us discover grace and abundance in ways I continue to discover,” Tim says.
Founded in 1961 by Howard E. Butt, Jr., Laity Lodge rests amid 1,900 acres of Texas Hill Country along the Frio River Canyon outside Leakey, Texas. Retreats feature speakers, musicians and artists of the highest quality from around the country-oh, and a creative chef known for turning every bite into comfort food.
For more about Laity Lodge in general and its special program to the working world, The High Calling of Our Daily Work, go to www.LaityLodge.org and www.TheHighCalling.org Both are programs of the Foundations for Laity Renewal, founded by H.E. Butt Foundation.
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